Take A Look At Me Now
by Rinoa2
Summary: Squall and Rinoa have a fight and Rinoa runs to the only place she can think of. Her sorrow leads to well....read to see what happens.


~Disclaimer~  
Alright, here's where I state the obvious-I don't own any of the characters from FFVIII or any of the song lyrics that I happen to incorporate into my fanfiction. The plot line and such DO belong to me, however, as the ideas came from my imagination ^.^   
This particular fanfic is the result of...I really don't know what. It's sad and depressing. I hope no one's offended by the atmosphere of my work, but if you are, I'm sorry in advance! I was able to get a better feel for Squall's personality from a friend of mine-Stoic-mun, I love ya!!! *huggle* Please R & R, as this is the first fanfic I'm posting on this site-I need all the feedback you can give me!!!  
Take A Look At Me Now  
Time stood still at that moment. The words had been spoken, and there was no taking them back. Squall Leonhart watched as Rinoa's lovely, pale face dawned an expression of utter pain, as though she had just been stabbed through the heart with a knife of pure fire. Tears pooled in her endless sapphire eyes, and for a long, drawn out period of time she simply stood there, staring at him. When she finally could move again, Rinoa wrenched her eyes from his and walked to the door of his apartment. Hand on the knob, she opened the door and walked into the hall. No words were spoken, but the realization descended upon Squall with a sickening thud.  
She was gone.  
Rinoa ran down the darkened streets, breath coming in short, sobbing gasps. She had not allowed her tears to fall during the argument with Squall, but now the moisture burned her eyes and began to spill freely down her face, with her powerless to stop it. Collapsing on the steps of a nearby motel, Rinoa sobbed, pressing her face into her hands, allowing the tears to flow and the sobs to shake her slender figure.   
It had been such a stupid fight...so stupid. But there was no time to dwell on that now. The temperature of the night was dropping, and Rinoa knew she needed to find shelter. At the moment, she could only think of one place to go, though it was the last place she wanted to be at this time.   
Quistis Trepe and Rinoa Heartilly had never come to be close friends. Squall had always stood between them, but Rinoa had grown to not care because her love for Squall had surpassed all else. Now, standing on the steps of the former SeeD instructor's home, Rinoa took a deep breath before knocking on the door. Strangely how she was now at Quistis' mercy...if she turned her away, Rinoa would have nowhere else to go.  
The door was opened in mere seconds, and Quistis stood in the doorframe, clad in black stretch pants and a white shirt, obviously relaxing before turning in for the night. The woman took one look at Rinoa's face and said nothing, reaching out an arm to pull the younger girl into the warmth of the house. No questions came, and Quistis gestured to the sofa in her living room before moving to the kitchen, returning a short while later with a warm mug of tea, which she offered to Rinoa. Rinoa accepted the drink gratefully and took a long sip, letting the soothing liquid warm her chilled body. Then her eyes met Quistis' in gratitude, and the older woman nodded before speaking for the first time.  
"Squall," she said. It wasn't a question. Rinoa nodded her head slowly, setting the mug down on the coffee table, drawing her knees to her chest on the sofa as Quistis regarded her solemnly from her place in an armchair. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked Rinoa, crossing her long legs and brushing a strand of her hair back from her eyes.   
"Not really..." Rinoa didn't want to appear ungrateful, but in truth, she didn't want to discuss what had happened in the apartment that night. It hurt far too much. And she didn't want to hear Quistis' false sympathy, when she knew the older woman would be secretly rejoicing, waiting the appropriate time to visit Squall. Or would she? Looking at Quistis, Rinoa saw none of the past disguised rivalry reflected in her eyes. Instead she saw a genuine concern, which puzzled the raven-haired girl more than anything. Rinoa was snapped from her thoughts as Quistis rose to her feet, nodding her understanding.  
"That's alright. You go and get some rest. Sleep in my room tonight. I can sleep out here on the couch." Quistis moved to the closet, getting a blanket for herself, and Rinoa said her thanks before moving across the house and up the stairs to Quistis' bedroom on the second floor. It was only mere moments before Rinoa tumbled into a deep, tormented sleep.  
"Rinoa...I just can't..."  
"Stop it, Squall! Just stop it! I'll save you the trouble!"  
"What are you...? Rinoa, what are you saying...? It's not that I..."  
"Not that you don't what? Say it already! I've been so straightforward with you all this time, and you can't even tell me what's on your mind?! I thought you trusted me!"  
"I...Rinoa..."  
"Don't you trust me?! Can't you talk to me? Is that it? Do you expect me to spend the rest of my life in a state of not knowing? Wondering if you feel the same way I do? I can't, Squall! I just can't!"  
And then the only image she held was his face as she turned and walked out the door...and out of his life.  
Rinoa sat up in bed, sweating profusely. Tears were streaming down her face freely, and the pain in her heart was so unbearable that she simply couldn't take it anymore. Getting out of Quistis' bed, she crossed the room to the adjoining bathroom. Turning on the light, she began frantically opening and closing drawers.   
"Come on, Quistis, I know you have one in here somewhere," she muttered through her tears. Then her search came to an end as Rinoa located a straight-edge razor. She tested the tip for sharpness, and a drop of blood rolled down her finger. Perfect. Without bothering to steel herself against the pain to come, Rinoa instead focused on the wound that was burning within her heart. The razor slashed along the length of Rinoa's left wrist, the wound welling up quickly with fresh blood. Before she could think otherwise, Rinoa slashed the other wrist, cutting this one a bit deeper. She cut again and again, over and over, as if each time she was cutting away the emotional pain that hurt her so much more than the fresh gouges on her arms.   
When she could finally come to a stop, the world began to spin around Rinoa. She looked at herself in Quistis' bathroom mirror, at the face of that once-lovely, porcelain complexioned girl who had formerly been alight with life and joy and saw a tormented woman whose heart was in shreds in her chest. Raven tresses of hair formed a melancholy border around her face, and the color was beginning to leave her face slowly. Then Rinoa's vision blurred, and dropping the razor, she fell to the ground and saw no more.  
Quistis had been awakened by the sound of her bathroom drawers, but hadn't paid it much attention. Now as she heard the sound of Rinoa falling, alarm overtook her and she quickly leapt to her feet. Taking the stairs two at a time, Quistis threw open the door to her bedroom and gave a low cry of horror. Rinoa lay there on the bathroom tile, blood flowing around her body in grotesque pools. It didn't take more than a moment for the older woman to know what had happened, and she raced to call for help.  
The ambulance came quickly and took Rinoa away. Quistis said she would come to the hospital shortly after making a call. Now she stood outside Squall's apartment after knocking sharply upon the door, knowing the brunette would not be asleep.  
She was right in her prediction, and soon the door was hastily opened, revealing a haggard-looking Squall. His usually expressionless face was now etched in an expression of pain, something he never revealed, and he quickly drew on a mask of calm and indifference.  
"Quistis, what are you doing here?" he asked, opening the door a bit wider as if to allow her inside. Quistis declined the invitation with a shake of her head, and grasped his arm fiercely, her voice low and venomous.  
"Rinoa came to me after your fight. She tried to kill herself by slashing up her wrists and arms, and she's in the hospital." That was all she said, and she kept her expression fierce and firm, searching the man's face for emotion.  
Squall didn't hesitate then, and without even grabbing his jacket, ran out of his apartment, closing the door quickly behind them. Racing down the hall, Quistis had to run to keep up with him.   
"I've never seen that man care about anything this much," she said to herself. "Come to think of it, I've never seen him care about anything at all."  
Rinoa lay in a hospital bed, surrounded by doctors and nurses. Her arms were heavily bandaged in strips of white cloth, and her face was pallid, almost deathly white. Her breathing was light and shallow, and her lips parted in soft rasping sounds. Doctors bustled about her, and the room was a frenzy of activity when Squall and Quistis arrived.  
Squall ran down the hall to Rinoa's room, after receiving the number from the girl working at the desk, and stopped in the doorway of her room, a gasp of horror escaping his lips. Rinoa was so pale...and why had she done this to herself? Had it been because of...him? No...she wouldn't...would she? If she died because of him... Squall pushed that thought from his mind and grasped the arm of the closest doctor, his voice raw with emotion and pain.   
"How is she?" Squall asked, his face a mask, though fear was showing through that fragile resolve. The doctor looked on him in surprise, and shook his head lightly, gravely.  
"She's slipping into a coma-" he started, and was cut off as Squall let out a low cry, rushing into the room and kneeling at Rinoa's bedside. Thankfully the other doctors and nurses had cleared out by this time, and he could be alone with her. Taking her limp, unresponsive hand in his own, Squall wove his fingers through hers, being careful of her bandages on her wrist.  
Quistis just now reached the hospital room, where she saw the shocked doctor preparing to remove Squall from the room. In one quick motion she laid a hand on the man's arm, shaking her head. "If anyone can bring her back, it's him," she said, and after a moment of consideration, the doctor nodded, leaving the scene. Quistis cast one last look at Squall kneeling by Rinoa's side, and moved back to the lobby to wait.  
Squall pressed his lips to the backs of Rinoa's cold fingers, and brought her hand to the side of his face. His heart was breaking right then, shattering as he saw her laying so pale and motionless...almost as if in death.   
"Rinoa," he whispered softly, so low that it was nearly inaudible, "I'm so sorry...I'm so very sorry. I should have been honest with you from the beginning. I just...I've never had to express any feeling to anyone before, and you...you're the first one that I..." He paused, taking a deep breath to steady his voice. "I love you, Rinoa...I always have. I know I don't show it...but you mean everything to me...please, Rinoa...come back to me...I can't live without you..."   
Rinoa was floating in a gentle white light. Everything was peaceful...and yet it was terrible. Was this death? Had she really taken her own life? No...not yet...because she could still hear. Someone was calling her, calling her name in tones of love and despair, and she struggled to identify the voice. Everything hurt so much...it would be so easy to just let go.  
But then she recognized the voice through the shadowed peace that surrounded her. Squall? It was Squall's voice...but why would he be there...? She couldn't make out what he was saying, and then a few words here and there began to break through clearly to her.  
"...can't live without you..."  
"...don't show it, but..."  
"...you're the first that I..."  
"I love you, Rinoa...I always have."  
That one sentence rang clearly through Rinoa's mind. A new wave of strength overcame her, and she knew she had to come back. She couldn't die...no, not now. Not when Squall loved her and needed her...she could hear that he did in his voice. She fought, pushing back waves of the darkness that threatened to envelope her forever...  
Squall's tears were beginning to fall, cascading down his face. He was too late...he had lost her. How could he have not told her sooner? "Rinoa..." he whispered, laying his head down beside hers on the pillow, still holding to her hand...  
And felt the pressure of her grip on his fingers. Squall's eyes flew open as he sat up, searching Rinoa's face for signs of response. He saw her brow furrow slightly as she fought to open her eyes. "That's it, Rinoa...come back to me...please, Rinoa..."  
At that moment, Rinoa's eyelids fluttered and opened, her eyes focusing on Squall's face. A faint smile came to her lips, weak, but still there.  
"I could never leave you," she whispered, her voice husky. Squall's eyes filled again with tears of emotion.   
"I love you, Rinoa...I should have told you long ago. I should have never let you leave..." He was cut off as Rinoa placed a finger to his lips, silencing him.  
"I love you too, Squall," she said, and that was all that was needed. Squall bent his head down to hers, and their lips met softly.   
From the hallway, Quistis saw the two kiss and a smile came to her face. They were blessedly right, as they always had been. Then she turned and walked back down the hallway, out into the night.   
  
Author's Note-Crappy ending, I know, but I promise I'll get better!! Like I said, this is my first FF8 fic, so please be gentle! :)  



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